It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
