so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
