Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
