So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
