if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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