Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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