I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
