this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
