I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
