I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize