Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
