he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
