Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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