It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
