Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
