I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
