Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
