did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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