I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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