remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
