Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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