hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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