If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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