I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
