Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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