Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
