I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
