im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I FOUND THE LEGS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
