...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
