you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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