Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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