Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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