Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
