If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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