I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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