When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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