and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He kissed a someone with a penis
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
