What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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