I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
