did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We got so high we made milksteak
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
