you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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