Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
