The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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