if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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