I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
