We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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