Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
