HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
please come you make the beer taste better
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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