I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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