I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So. Much. Porn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
