I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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