i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
