My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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