Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
