Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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