Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
