Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize