Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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