I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
