I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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