big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
