I'm really into asian looking animals
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
