the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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