I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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