We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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