This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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