The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my shit smells like andre
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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