and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
