It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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