You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
