Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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