i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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