i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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