I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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