Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
