I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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