I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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